Rough Final Cut

I have sumbitted this peice for critique to my course teacher and got some good feedback that i intend to use to improve this further.

My view of this peice was that it had vastly improved from my initial rough cut, but i was aware that it could still be greatly improved. I already re-shot alot of footage and this time used artificial lighting in order to create the dark shadow feel that is so common in the film noir genre.

Feedback:

- Narrative structure is alot better

- Text for titles is appropriate for genre

- Black and white also fits conventions

- Time between forst and second title is too long

- Shot one has a lighting issue.

Shot two needs to be revised. Would a killer really have a gun on the sideboard? Also focus is bad.

- Bar scene lighting is porr. Needs to be redone. Perhaps change location?

- Pace needs to be kept up

- Lampost shot moved to 2:00:07

- The title shot of 'Trilby' is not centered

- Try do reduce the length to a minute

After a discussion with my course teacher i set about planning the shots that needed to be redone and thought about how using different locations might be more beneficial. I want to add extra props in order to link the Trilby and the male character (Andy) together. I will also use and expriment with more shots in order to establsih their connection within the trailer.